Question of the Week- March 29

Happy Monday! Last week’s question was about haters, and on Facebook, I asked:

Why do some people always talk about their “haters?” Do they really think they have something someone else wants?

One of the comments stood out. The person basically said that people hating on you is motivation, the person goes on to ask would we or how much would we strive if it weren’t for haters helping us stay focused.

I can somewhat understand the first part. I can see people using ‘haters’ to stay motivated; it’s like you want to prove them wrong and show them you can be successful.

However, I don’t agree with last part. I don’t do what I do- work on my goals- because I feel like someone is hating; I do it because it’s my purpose, and it’s what I love. And actually, I find that my motivation comes from myself and from positive and encouraging people, not negative ones.  So, this week’s question:

Do you need/want haters to motivate you?

As always, I love hearing from you, so answer away!

Question of the Week- March 22

If you are a Facebook friend of mine, you might have seen me have a status or two about the word ‘hater.’ I don’t like it. Well, it’s not the word itself that I have a problem with, per se. It’s just that, to me, people over and misuse it.

For instance, if I don’t like Rhianna’s hair, that doesn’t make me a hater- that just means I don’t care for her hairstyle. Period.

My e-friend, LaKesha, wrote a post about this on her blog last week (check it out here). The whole post was great, but I love the advice she gives at the end:

“Stop running around talking about your haters this and your haters that…the time YOU spend worrying about them could be time spent doing something more productive in your own life.”

I say all that to ask the question(s) of the week:

How do you feel about the word ‘hater?’

What does ‘hater’ mean?

Do you think people who always talk about ‘their’ haters really have haters?

Question of the Week- March 15

The subject of marriage and age is an interesting one to me (then again, what isn’t interesting to me?) Anyway, as you all know, back in the day, it was normal for people to get married in their teens and in early 20s. Today, people get married well into their 30s, 40s and beyond.

My question is: How young is too young for someone to get married? Or is there a such thing as being too young, if you’re over 18?

A couple of things made me think of this question (that’s been in my head for a while, actually): 1) On the MTV show, “Teen Mom,” one of the guys proposed to his girlfriend; I think they were around 17; and 2) One of my sister’s friends says she thinks people in their 20s (or under 25- I can’t remember) are too young to tie the know.

Many people would/do say that if you’re in your teens or early twenties, you’re too young, you don’t really know what love is, you haven’t lived enough and/or you’re not mature enough. However, a lot of people over the age of 30 aren’t ready for marriage, so does age have anything to do with it (aside from the fact that you’re probably more financially stable if you’re older)? Hmmm….I don’t know. Share your thoughts with me below!

Question of the Week: Women & Friendship- March 8

Happy Monday, chicas!

I’ve had this idea for a post for a while, but I just haven’t written it yet (and this isn’t it haha). The topic? Women and friendship.

As I’m sure we all know, many women have issues with other women. We (generally speaking) are often catty and rude to each other (and often for no apparent reason); we’re jealous, give the new girl a dirty look, eye her up and down, say, “She think she’s cute.” And just don’t like her for no reason at all. And, oh yeah, we have the “I don’t have female friends” crew, too.

So, my question(s): Does this topic even matter?

Why are a lot of women (in your opinion) unnecessarily rude/catty/b***hy towards each other?

If you’re a woman who “doesn’t have female friends” or “don’t like females”, why?

Feel free to answer all or one (or two!). I would love to hear your thoughts on this; I’m writing a post later on this week with my thoughts and opinions.  

Question of the Week- February 22

Author Lori Gottlieb, a 42-year-old single mama (courtesy of a sperm donor), wrote a book called “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.” In a nutshell, she’s telling women to stop being so picky when we’re younger and consider settling for Mr. Good Enough.

In a Marie Clair article, Gottlieb says she’s not “suggesting you pick the fat, lazy guy who repulses you.” She just wants us to “ease up on” our endless mental lists- for instance, don’t not go on a first date because he’s only 5’7.” Gottlieb goes on to say that “we [women] feel entitled to the cultural ideal. Mr. Right should look a certain way, have a certain kind of job, have a sense of humor, be romantic in these ways and show it with certain gestures.”

I honestly think she kind of has a point. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying women shouldn’t have standards- I definitely think you need some, and I know there are some deal breakers and individuals you shouldn’t date, you know, liars, cheaters, people who are untrustworthy, etc. On the other hand, I don’t think you should necessarily dismiss someone just because he doesn’t have a lofty job title, a certain skin tone or the latest model car.

So, the question:

Would you/did you settle for Mr. Good-Enough (by your definition of “good enough)? Would you recommend that others “lower their standards”?

As I always, I look forward to your responses!

Question of the Week- Feb. 15

If you’re like me, your parents/grandparents/uncles/aunts/etc. told you (or are telling you) to “go to school (college) and get a good job.”

I’ve always wondered what a ‘good’ job is: is it one in which you earn six figures and have benefits, one that is always “in demand” (i.e., teaching, health care) or one you actually like? I suppose a ‘good’ job means different things to different people; during my parents’ time (who, by the way, they are older), a good job is one that is steady/consistent and one that covers all your expenses and you maybe have a little left over.

So, this week’s question: What is your definition of a good job? Do your parents/older relatives think you have a ‘good’ job? As always, I love to read your comments : 0 )

Question of the Week- February 8

I was checking my reeeaaally old email on Saturday, and I saw an interesting piece in a recent issue of Essence’s newsletter. It was about a 20-something woman and the fact that she’s not fond of the term wifey; according to the article, wifey is a man’s “main squeeze, long-term girlfriend, or woman who is almost ‘wife material.'” – i.e., not the wife.

 The author goes on to give nine reasons why the word wife is better, and nine men give the reasons why. (I would post a link to the article, but it seems to have disappeared from the site). Well, I asked my bf if there was a difference in the terms for him (because I was curious), and he basically says, to him, the terms are synonymous. I guess the definition varies depending on the individual.

So, what do ya’ll think? Do the terms ‘wife’ and ‘wifey’ basically mean the same thing? Would you be/are you offended when your SO refers to you as wifey?

I look forward to reading your responses (especially the fellas). Have a great week ya’ll!

Question of the Week: February 1

This week’s question is:

Do you think Black History Month is still relevant and necessary? Why or why not?

As always, I appreciate your thoughts and comments!

Question of the Week- January 25

Will we stop seeing this in the future?

I’m sure you’ve heard the “grim” statistics by now- 42 percent of us black women won’t get married. Now, I don’t know if I agree that the numbers are accurate, and whatever the numbers are, I’m not sure why black women are less likely to marry. However, a question I have pondered is if it matters whether or not we/they get married.

Of course, if you don’t desire marriage, or you don’t care one way or the other, then the stats probably don’t matter to you. But if you want to get hitched, and to a black man in particular, well, you might be somewhat concerned. And people have many different solutions to this issue (if you’d call it that): dating and marrying interracially, “lowering” one’s standards or just settle for being alone.

But my question is: Do you think that 42 percent of black women not marrying is a real issue? If so, do you think there’s something we can/should do about it?

As always, your comments are greatly appreciated, and I look forward to reading them!

Photo from: bigstockphoto.com

Question of the Week- January 18

We all know that back in the day, black people had lots of color issues (better known as colorism) with the brown paper bag test, the blue vein test and favoring those with lighter skin. I can still see some remnants today: some guys say they want a ‘red bone’ and others want to have a mixed-race child so he/she can “good” hair. And I know it exists in other ethnic communities…

This week’s question: Do you think colorism is still an issue in the black community? In what ways?

As always, your comments are greatly appreciated!