Author Lori Gottlieb, a 42-year-old single mama (courtesy of a sperm donor), wrote a book called “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.” In a nutshell, she’s telling women to stop being so picky when we’re younger and consider settling for Mr. Good Enough.
In a Marie Clair article, Gottlieb says she’s not “suggesting you pick the fat, lazy guy who repulses you.” She just wants us to “ease up on” our endless mental lists- for instance, don’t not go on a first date because he’s only 5’7.” Gottlieb goes on to say that “we [women] feel entitled to the cultural ideal. Mr. Right should look a certain way, have a certain kind of job, have a sense of humor, be romantic in these ways and show it with certain gestures.”
I honestly think she kind of has a point. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying women shouldn’t have standards- I definitely think you need some, and I know there are some deal breakers and individuals you shouldn’t date, you know, liars, cheaters, people who are untrustworthy, etc. On the other hand, I don’t think you should necessarily dismiss someone just because he doesn’t have a lofty job title, a certain skin tone or the latest model car.
So, the question:
Would you/did you settle for Mr. Good-Enough (by your definition of “good enough)? Would you recommend that others “lower their standards”?
As I always, I look forward to your responses!
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I agree with Gottlieb, in that we should not be too hasty to judge someone based on their outer appearance because sometimes God sends our blessings in disguise and it is up to us to have the wisdom to see past the wrapper. However, I think each of us have some “deal breakers” that should not be compromised because those are the things most important to us in a relationship and that may cause misery in the long run.
I actually tried to “settle” once with a guy that I knew wasn’t really my type but everyone has always told me that I was too picky so I thought I would just settle down with a nice, “normal” guy instead of the professional, urban male that I prefer. Needless to say, it did not go well (at all). I have since decided that I will just wait and not compromise on those core values that I want to share with my future mate.
I can’t settle. I have tried it several times and know from past experiences it’s not for me. Back in the day I was all for the “Work With a Brother” program. Shorter than me, sure I’ll still talk to you. No degree, well maybe you’re still intelligent. Lacking a religious affliation, I can deal. In most cases it ended badly. The guys just weren’t on my level. Had I stuck to my laundry list of standards I might have been better off. I’m still pretty flexible with most guys, but I weed out those I can tell won’t work from the beginning. Ultimately I can’t be bothered. Mr. Good-Enough won’t make the cut with me.
I personally couldn’t settle for Mr. Good Enough. I do have standards but they aren’t material things or anything to do with apperance. The level i’m on spiritually will not allow me to just settle. Not saying that i’m so Holy that I won’t give anyone a chance, it’s just like spirits attract. I don’t dismiss anyone that isn’t on the level with me. I do get to know people and find out where they are spiritually, b/c some people may not come from a religious background and that’s not their fault. So i’d introduce it to them and then see where it goes from there.
This is an example of how Mr. Good Enough wouldn’t work well with me …..”a Probation Officer or Police Officer dating a person who sells illegal drugs, but they’re a GREAT person”…..they DON’T mix very well! LOL!
Ha its funny that you posted this, I was just thinking over my relationship with my fiance. In he beginning like most women I had a strict list of what I wanted and didnt want. I had been school mates with him but never thought twice about being with him. He was everything I didnt want my daddy to meet: criminal bg, same height as me, didnt graduate from high school, etc. But as he kept pushing me to give him a chance and I gave in, I found all those things to be minor and that he was Mr. Good-For-Me as well as to me. He adores his grandmother, mother, and sister. He got his GED and is pursuing a degree towards his dreams. He’s patient, understanding, just a great man. But if I had not taken a chance some other woman may be enjoying MY man. Like somebody told me… You cant always play it safe. You might me happy with what u find on the wild side lol!