I’ve been reading this topic on the Nappturality forums based on an article on msnbc.com, Marriage eludes high-achieving black women. The article is like two weeks old, but I find the responses to it and the article itself very interesting.
Here are some points that piqued my interest:
“‘Marriage chances for higly educated black women have declined over time relative to white women.’ Women of both races with postgraduate educations ‘face particularly hard choices between career and motherhood, but especially in the absence of a reliable partner…'” (this is from Yale researchers, Natalie Nitsche and Hanna Bruekner)
Bruekner explained: “Their marriage chances have declined. This may sound trivial but one reason is that they outnumber men in this education group. ‘The disparity in education is important because Americans have a strong tendency to marry those with equal levels of education, a trend that has only grown stronger since World War II. ‘So since there are fewer men with the same education, you either have to find another group you can marry or you are out of luck. You have nowhere to go.'”
I think the above paragraph makes a good point, and it’s an argument I’ve heard from black women when talking about this issue. “Other women don’t settle for someone not ‘on their level’, why should we?” However, when you think about how black women greatly outnmber black men in colleges and consider how many college-educated, professional black men choose to marry outside of their race, it’s a big problem for black women who want to marry black men with the same educational level…
Anyway, check out the article here. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
forcoloredgurls.wordpress.com 
I watched this documentary called Soulmate and there were successful black women on there who had never been married. I mean, I don’t know anymore. I don’t think that it should just be about being on my level financially, but in every way. Then even if he is paid, what if something happens to him and he cannot work for a while or ever? That point was brought out in a book that I read. Then, it is like even if you did choose to be in a relationship with someone who made less money or was not as sucessful… would he be able to handle that? Then some men who make more money than you want you to sit at home and just have kids and not work. Girl, I don’t know anymore. lol. That is why we all should just wait on God – that way even if there are challenges, at least you will know that he was at the foundation of your union. I hope that all makes sense. I feel like I was just rambling. 🙂
I definitely agree that your man should be on your level in every way- whatever that means for you. I’ve heard plenty of women say their significant other couldn’t handle the woman’s education, success or what have you.
Yeah, I get what you’re saying
Well if you can’t marry black men then try other men I say
I don’t know how I missed this article, but it is interesting. I think it gets wrong that educated black women eschew motherhood outside of marriage in an effort “not to look ghetto”. Most of the women I’ve encountered simply want to offer any children they have the advantages of a stable, two parent household.
Good point. I grew up in a two-parent household, and I’ve seen too many women raising children by themselves. I definitely wouldn’t want to have to raise a child by myself, and it’s not a matter of “looking ghetto” either. I want my children (when I have them) to know what it’s like to have two loving parents living in the same home.
I can agree with this observation. It seems pretty accurate and is something I most likey would not have otherwise noticed. Personally though, I feel that they should not feel limited to only marry black men. Anyone on the same level (intelligence, financially, emotionally, etc.) Is equally acceptable in my opinion. Not saying that all well off black women that do not marry feel like they should only be with black men, because I know that is not the case. This is just towards the number that do.
This article is lame it reminds me of the lame articles I have read in some black women magazines. It’s always some black woman complaining about not being able to find a good black man.
I disagree with the article I don’t believe it is about the black woman’s “education” that is the reason she can’t find a husband. Does the article have statistics? How many black women are going to college compared to black men? I don’t see any numbers? Are the numbers accurate or what?
Now if an educated black women eschews marriage due to not wanting to look as though they are unacceptable to social morals that’s their perspective.
Perhaps the reason some educated black women do not have children out of wedlock is because they realize that they want a stable environment to raise their child.
I believe it’s up to black educated women if they specifically want a black man at their level or standards to seek them out. No I don’t mean go to a bar or night club. I mean why not ask “friends” or “family” or “coworkers”. Why is this article acting like as though this is an exclusive “black” issue? I am sure there are people of all races that can’t find love. But again, why do some black women limit themselves to ONLY black men. There are a billion men on this earth of a variety of races I think the more opportunities black women give themselves the better.
You’re not alone. And congratulations on being the fabulous woman you are!
I can’t speak to being black, but I can speak to being an educated woman: it’s not easy on the white side either. While woman have made great strides and advancement in the educational and work fronts, socially it is still difficult to uphold these achievements and toe the line of being a woman (and all that entails). It takes a stronger man to embrace a fabulous woman. But I also tend to agree with Myron… the article makes certain assumptions, and I would dispel them in favor of finding the right person (on all the same levels I would want), regardless of whatever ethnic heritage he is.
how about get a asian guy?
This site is so Racist… Segregation is over you know? People are people so no need to single yourself out.
I think there should be an exploration into why so many black men of a particular level marry outside of their race, if there are so many black women of a higher level available.
Very good question. I’m going to look into it, and see what I can find.
Anyone can get married to anyone. I’ve been there and even doing that.
It is the quality of the selection of men that is the issue. This is a problem for highly educated women of any color. As one who has married with children and made career sacrifices for marital relationships….albeit I’m post-graduate educated (and still working on this education at 40+ due to said sacrifices)….I found that my brain/education/athleticism was intimidating to men “at my level.” It is difficult to find a good and successful man that wants a woman “at his level” that is also worthy of us women.
I will tell my daughters to look at the education and work ethic of the man, as well as his appreciation for how hard you work and value in what you need to do to stay healthy and successful in working towards your goals personally and as a couple. Frankly, the perfect man does not exist. Even if you find one that comes close, you may not find him until you have already made other commitments and choices, and must have higher priorities than a man.
I love the way you put this; I totally agree with everything you wrote. There are tons of men out there, so getting a man or getting married is not the issue, really. It’s the quality of what’s available. And yes, a weak man would be intimidated by any woman he feels is more successful than them, and a lot of times, it seems that more educated men want a trophy as opposed to someone on “his level.”
I also agree with what you’re telling your daughters. Even if your significant other doesn’t have the same education as you, it’s important for him to support and value what you do and what you’ve achieved.
As a student at a college, I have noticed that there are more black women here for education, than there are for men. Personally that doesn’t mean anything to me though. I think the reason why black women are here at college is what they article stated: they want to have someone that they can talk to who is on the same level that they are on. For example, some levels may consist of being equally knowledgeable of whats around the world, instead being close minded such as politics. But what I don’t understand is like some of the other comments stated before is that they are millions of guys out there, why only direct themselves to only one type? Personally, I believe no one has a type because we are in a world of diversion. But maybe some black women feel that they have that real connection towards a black man, than a white man.
FWIW …
This is a complex topic and I’d say that basically the problem is Cultural Marxism (of which feminism is just one branch). It takes a lot of reading and thinking to put the pieces together. BlackMenVent may be able to help you understand more (http://forums.blackmenvent.com/). This was all worked out, very eloquently I might add, on the ‘Diary of an Angry Black Man’ forum, but that forum was deleted.
Take a step back and honestly think about a man, woman, and child in a forest. What would their natural roles be? And then look at how far away we are from those roles in this so-called advanced “sophisticated” society. The further we stray from those roles, I think the more unhappy we’ll be. The life we are living is not natural.
Also, this is my general observation regarding what they’re doing to all modern women. You’re being played, duped, brainwashed, mislead. Imagine you’re one of the elites responsible for controlling this world. You take a look at the trends in global population and you see massive increases occurring year after year. Obviously, not sustainable and a threat to their control. So, they agree that something must be done to control the population growth. They can’t come right out and say “the earth can only support a billion people and everybody else must be killed”, because everybody would say, “ok, you go first” and the elites would be hunted down and killed.
So, they have to go about their population control agenda in sneaky ways so the masses don’t catch on. They know that women are hypergamous. They know that you’re biologically repulsed and will avoid breeding with men who you perceive are on a lower socio-economic scale than you. Women are also biologically repulsed by having to take care of their man; they’re also less happy in equalist marriages where the husband is a “kitchen bitch” who helps with feminine tasks; women are happiest in traditional marriages. So, they’re doing everything possible to push men down economically, whether that’s directly through legislation, portraying men as losers in the media, punishing natural male behavior in school, drugging boys in school for behaving like boys, feminize the learning environment, etc.
So, you raise women up and present them with this illusion of superiority. You bash men and push them down which makes them unattractive mating partners to women. Women sigh and complain “there are no good men” and the next thing you know their biological clock has expired. Result, no marriage, no babies. A successful subtle way to control population growth.
Unfortunately, women are gullible, and they’re totally brainwashed by this “empowering”, “independent”, feminist propaganda that portrays women as superior to lazy no good men (see your ‘Recommended Reading’ section – Oprah is the worst offender). They really think they’re kicking men’s butts, but it’s an illusion. What would the situation be like without government and media manipulation of the sexes? In other words, a truly equal playing field amongst men and women. Not a pretty sight.
Here’s a recent article:
http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/dwindling-alpha-males
Here’s a more serious one basically saying Men and Women are going to go to war with each other, which I think is BS. Read the last paragraph:
http://www.foreignpolicy.com/articles/2009/06/18/the_death_of_macho?page=full#
This is a nasty social engineering experiment and it’s going to backfire because massive numbers of men have no interest in society and it’s only increasing. If enough men drop out, the civilization collapses or is taken over. So, this female superiority illusion is temporary and unnatural. Men build, maintain, and improve civilization FOR WOMEN AND CHILDREN BECAUSE WE LOVE AND CARE ABOUT YOU. It’s built into our biology. It’s natural. If you kick us out, civilization will cease to exist. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH US BEING SUPERIOR TO YOU OR TRYING TO OPPRESS YOU. IT’S OUR BIOLOGY TO TAKE CARE OF YOU! OTHERWISE, THE WE CEASE TO EXIST.
Women need to stand back and recognize they’re being duped. They’re enticing you to desire a BMW (earned via career) instead of a baby and the majority of women are falling for it. Look at how impressive the marketing is behind female careers (Again, Oprah has brainwashed you with so much crap). Is it ever portrayed in a negative light? You know this modern society is unnatural. Men and Women aren’t meant to compete with each other; we’re meant to compliment and help each other. Either both sexes win together or both sexes lose together. Honestly, it’s “work” but they’ve made it more attractive via marketing and call it your “career”. Wouldn’t you be happier holding your babies in your arms?
IMO, miscegenation should be avoided because it destroys our unique cultures. Plus, if everybody is a mixed-race, it makes it easier for the government to control everyone. People take less pride in their history, ancestry, culture, customs, etc. And the govt., media, etc. can then move them in any direction they want. “No roots”, and no pride in those roots.
Maybe I’m crazy but I could almost believe this guy’s population control theory until he says things like, “Wouldn’t you be happier holding your babies in your arms?” & then I die laughing! Even if this plot to keep men emasculated and high achieving women childless is true I think it’ll backfire on it’s creators as men learn to put ego’s aside and court women on another level while women learn to look for men outside of their comfort zones. Humans adapt. It’s what we do, baby! Now stop the women bashing dude!
The links you provided are interesting reads. Hmmm…makes me think
I think that highly educated black women not finding husbands and not reproducing is very positive.
Those women are much more useful to society through work than they would by producing kids.
We are not doing society any good by helping educated black women find a husband and raise a family: their job has so much more value than just spawning annuities.
Wasting a woman’s education by producing kids is severe abuse of valuable resources and, I would say, quite criminal. Keep in mind that the cost of educating those women has been prohibitive. Now we need to capitalize on the investment.
There are way too many humans on this little rock: please, stop reproducing and… get to work so we can all benefit from it.
Kudos to all women refusing to reproduce: you are my heroes.