How to go from girlfriend to wife?

12 02 2010

So, I was on Black Hair Media this morning, and I came across this topic called 10 Ways to Go from Girlfriend to Wife. It’s an article from Essence online by Steven James Dixon who wrote a book “Men Don’t Heal, We Ho.” ( <_<) He gives his 10 tips on how you can get the wife title…sigh. Here are his suggestions:

  1. Be a woman, all day, everywhere. Have respect, pride and dignity for yourself. If you let friends take advantage of you, so will your man. If you come home crying about your job every day without being proactive about getting a new one, your man is not going to find that attractive.
  2. Be independent. Not just financially, but be an independent thinker overall. Take the time to learn you and what works best for you instead of taking someone else’s advice and forcing yourself into a box. Your core person should not change simply because you are in a relationship. Be independent of your man and have your own life.
  3. Stay on your tippy toes. Don’t get comfortable and lazy on your man. Don’t just think that he is going to marry you because you have been together for a few years. Get fine-ER, get smart-ER, be bett-ER. A man wants to see growth in you and wants to be excited about who you will be in the future.
  4. Turn his house into a home. As a single brother, my crib had the bare necessities. A woman came by one day and slowly started to upgrade my stuff in a very subtle but profound way because no woman had ever done it before. First it was a couple [of] nice decorative candles; then she replaced my picture frames and artwork. She helped me paint a couple of rooms in my house. I was like, “She knows what she is doing. I am going to marry her.”
  5. Be a Godly woman. There is just something sexy to me about a Godly woman. You want a Godly man, don’t you? The Bible is a relationship handbook. Read it. Follow it. Live by it. When your man is weak, you need to be able to refer to that word. When the Devil attacks, he needs to know that you know God.
  6. Watch his momma; do what she do(es). You don’t have to be his momma, but you should try to be in her likeness. Here is an example: during the holidays when you were at your man’s family home, if his grandma, momma and auntie were all in the kitchen and you were in the den watching the game with him, ya’ll probably had the best time ever, right? But guess what, he’s probably going to break up with you. You should be in that kitchen with his female relatives or else find yourself a man whose mother can’t cook.
  7. Challenge him. If a man doesn’t have to respect you, he won’t. I tell people all the time, if my wife would allow me to have a girlfriend, I would, and I go to church every Sunday. A man is not going to do the right thing unless he knows that if he does the wrong thing, it will be met with repercussions and consequences.
  8. Be his biggest fan. Women need love. Men need their egos stroked. We need your support, your encouragement, and we need to know you believe in us. Tell him that he is a good man, that you are lucky to have him, that he is special and better than you thought. If he doesn’t feel like a man, he is not going to be a good man to you.
  9. Nurture him. The art of nurturing a man has been lost. Talk sweet to your man and whisper sweet nothings in his ear. Hug him, hold him, squeeze him, too. Being a black man is hard, but with the nurturing of a good black woman, it’s that much easier.
  10. Be the freakiest person he knows. Men talk, and our number one conversation is about sex. So when a man is rapping with his friend, he needs a good story to tell. At least twice a year he needs to have something that will make his boys say, “Dang, I wish my woman would do that!” …Basically, a man has to know and believe that there is not a woman out there that is going to try harder to please him than you.

Source: 10 Ways to go from Girlfriend to Wife

I don’t agree with a lot of this, but I’m not a wife ; ) So, what do ya’ll think about this (especially the men)? Do you think this is true? Was it true for you? Talk to me! I’m really interested in hearing what ya’ll think about this?




One response

13 02 2010

This is good information but does not apply to the wants and needs of every man… atleast I would hope not!
Be a woman all day every where, Be independent, Stay on your tippy toes: I think those are things we as women should want for our own good. Not just becasue she’s looking to get the ring. Because if we are doing it for the wrong reasons then in the end when we do get the ring theres a huge chance of us not continuing to do those things. And then he’ll be ready to sign them Papers lol. Digg???

Turn his house into a home: IDK!! Some men may think that you’re invading their space by rearranging things. Now if he asks you for your assistance then fine but I wouldnt take it upon myself to do so. I may offer to help but not invade.

Be a Godly woman: well that depends on your beliefs.

Watch his momma: I dont think thats fair… If you’re not the type to cook and his mom is then you’re automatically eliminated?? He should accept that thats something that makes you different from his family. Now dont get me wrong, if neither one of you can cook then thats def a problem. We should raise our men to do everything a woman does as well as women. I’m not the type to do double standards. If I’m in the kitchen then you need to assist me unless I tell you to sit down.

Challenge him: I love this one. I always say ‘A man cant do to you what you dont allow him to’. I take that to mean that you cant give a man everything he wants. Now if its something that you want as well then go for it but if its not up to your standards (depending on the situation) then no. Just dont be stubborn about trying new things.

Be his biggest fan and Nurture him: I agree 110%. This comes easy to me. So I love it 😀

Be the freakiest person he knows: ummm NO!! As a woman I personally dont want a man thats gonna kiss and tell. YES I may be the world’s biggest freak but that should be kept behind closed doors, I think! I understand there are some things that men will talk about but he should also have enough respect for you not to expose you with full out stories. Besides, you might lose yo woman cause the next man may wanna try it out too… (Another topic for another day)

Opinions from an engaged woman.

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