I don’t know what’s wrong with me

8 04 2009

*Vent begins.*

For the last couple of days, I’ve been feeling a little down about work lately. Not my “real” job, but my “passion-job”. For the past few days, I feel like I haven’t gotten a lot accomplished. I’ve been w/my boyfriend, which is all well and good, but if I really want to take this freelancing to the next level, I have to work my booty off and do what I need to do!

So I began thinking…and trying to figure out why I’m not going at this as hard as I should. I’m starting to think I have a slight fear of being successful. Let me explain. I really want to be successful as a writer, I really do, but I think that sometimes I feel like if I become too successful, people will think that I think I’m “all that” or that I don’t “know where I came from.” I mean, logically, I know I should just be like ‘whatever’ because the people who truly care about me won’t think that [I think], but I guess I don’t like the thought of being disliked- at least for something as trivial as that.

I also think it’s because I grew up around people who had just enough, meaning having enough money to pay the bills, maybe a little extra, but not really enough to save-or at least not save that much. I mean, I se this playing out in my life right now [which I guess it’s somewhat understandable because I am just starting out]. I just don’t want to have that same mentality for the rest of my life…

What am I going to do about it then? Well, for starters, I’m going to either try to limit the time I spend around people who don’t seem aspirational [at least for now] or not let their energy affect me. Next, I’m going to kick my marketing into high gear for Mocha Writer because despite the economy, I really believe I can make full-time money right now. Finally, I’m going to stop [or at least try to] worrying about what people think about me- unless, of course, they have something constructive to say. If people stop liking me because they think I think I’m “all that”, I say eff em- pretty much.

Whew, I feel better now getting all this out of my system. Now, on to executing…

*Vent over*

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